Don't Eat the Puppets

Work of body painter Guido Daniele

The past few weeks found me involved in a non-profit traveling children's puppet troupe based in Vermont performing as a puppeteer in local New England and upstate New York libraries and outdoor spaces (See vtpuppetree.org for details). Surrounded by carnivores, temptations were lurking at every corner to fall off the vegan wagon. Luckily, artists are pretty open minded people, and after a lively performance of 'Caps for Sale' at the Saratoga Springs library, I was able to convince the other two puppeteers to join me for lunch in the town's health food store. The store's generous hot buffet helped seal the deal. We were all a bit zoned out, having driven three hours to unload our set, perform, and reload everything only moments before. Elaine and I made a noble attempt at looking cognizant for our photo:

I have shared numerous personal and enlightening talk sessions with both Jake and Elaine over the past few weeks between and during rehearsals. This communal meal in Saratoga Springs was strictly about refueling. Conversations were limited. Elaine confessed that she doesn't usually eat healthy, and that she has a slight obsession with noodles. The low mark she gave for the food was in part due to the lack of impressive noodles, which she admits would have swayed her. Jake was pretty quiet during the whole meal, and when later pressed to give some feedback, he told me he liked the grapes. And the potato salad, since it reminded him of home. But his grandmother's potato salad never had fennel in it. I personally loved the mashed potatoes with cauliflower, a perfect post-performance energizer. My next post will include a trip to my favorite health store buffet in New York City- limited dishes, but incredibly delicious. Here's a group shot of the spent puppeteers:


The Nitty Gritty: Four Seasons Natural Foods, 33 Phila St., Saratoga Springs, NY
Our Ratings: Food: 3.25 STARS
Value: 3.2 STARS
Atmosphere: 3 STARS

The Wooleyhans in Chinatown

My sister Anna and her husband Carl are visiting from Delaware for a brief vacation. It's been a long time since Anna and I were a couple of kids navigating the intricate maze of grime, grit and profound memories of New York City of the late
1970s. The first night they were here, the three of us walked around my neighborhood sussing out a parking spot that wouldn't require frequent moves to dodge morning street cleaning rules. It was dark and quiet as we headed East on foot in this Cuban family neighborhood. A bodega we passed had their garbage neatly piled in dark bags in front of the store. The subtle smell of smoke infused paper and produce immediately brought me back to the Red Apple grocery store in Chelsea that was effected by the blackout of 1977. It was boarded up, but still prey to lootings, and Anna and I were not going to miss out on the opportunity for free candy. I'm not sure if guilt or delayed planning accounted for our grand cache being a case of cherry Luden's cough drops, each tinged with natural smoke flavoring. Tonight we walked down to Amsterdam and back, finding no parking spaces. Passing the bodega for the second time, Anna commented, 'That smell reminds me of that store that burned down.' I was shocked she had the same response.
The next day I had the brilliant idea to include the Wooleyhans in on the vegetarian reviewing process. I picked Vegetarian Dim Sum House, a basic, fairly-priced Chinese restaurant that I'd been to once before and really enjoyed. Neither Carl nor Anna are vegetarians, but both were willing participants. We arrived to the no-frills decor at 5:30 in the evening, with only one other table of customers. The young hostess greeted us with a blank expression and started herding us to a table as she asked how many we were. Accustomed to Southern hospitality (at least by New York standards), I could read from my sister's body language that she was insulted at the chilly reception we received. As we took our seats, I reassured her that other reviews I had read of this place agreed that the service was indifferent. As Anna leafed through the extensive menu, her appetite took precedence over being annoyed at the hostess, and her smile started sneaking up on her face (Anna has the warmest smile when she's feeling at ease). While Anna and I struggled to pinpoint our perfect food selections, Carl sat contentedly with his menu closed. 'You already know what you're getting?' I asked, a little jealous of his decisiveness. 'I'm getting the special.' There was an $8.95 special scotch taped to the inner front menu cover featuring vegetarian roast pork with honey and vegetables. I kept an encouraging smile plastered on my face as I nodded in agreement, but secretly wanted to convert him to the evils of mixing sweet and savory foods. Anna settled on hot and spicy bean curd with mixed vegetables for $9.95, and I ordered something similar with dried bean curd for the same price. To be daring and assist future readers of this website, we also ordered two appetizers- lotus root cakes for $2.95 and vegetable spring rolls for the same price.

The appetizers, though generic and greasy in appearance, were quite a hit. Anna commented that the lotus cakes tasted like shepherd pie, and all three of us couldn't give the spring rolls more praise. We debated about the ingredient in the cakes that tasted like mashed potatoes. I sensed it was taro. As the hostess walked passed our table, Carl said in a gentle voice, 'Is that mashed potatoes in there?' Without looking at us, she answered a perfunctory 'Yes'. As Anna finished it off, she said to herself, 'Bad customer service', and shook her head. I tried to capture the moment:


Carl's special arrived first. The dish looked a lot more appealing than Anna and I had anticipated, and after tasting a bite, we were converted to the merits of fake pork, and determined to be more flexible in our long standing flavor mixing prejudices. Carl and I both thought the vegan pork tasted uncannily like pork. After a few more bites, he concluded that the consistency was too uniform to be real pork. Carl is one of the most skilled analyzers I have ever met, and would make an excellent restaurant reviewer himself. Here's Carl and his covetous fake pork:


Anna ordered a wonton soup too at some point, and was very disappointed in the whole bowl. When her unexpectedly large plate of bean curd and veggies arrived, she became a little overwhelmed with the mass of food. As she tasted her first bite of her entree, the blandness of the dish continued her growing pile of grievances with this restaurant. Enjoying my own version, I offered her to try some. She took one bite and proclaimed it was blander than hers. Out of hunger, she continued eating unhappily. After a few more minutes of noble attempts at bonding with her food, she announced that this was exactly like eating a big bowl of oatmeal- it just doesn't disappear.
I felt for her, but my appetite was not effected by the reminders of the lack of flavors in my dish- I simply added a few teaspoons of hot pepper oil and soy sauce, and was quite content. Here's my dried bean curd dish, which I noticed resembled raw chestnuts, but tasted more like chewy sponges- but in a good way.

Our traditional group photo reflects the various levels of satisfaction with this establishment:


There was too much going on for me to remember the total of our bill, but it was reasonable, and I personally will continue frequenting this place.

The Nitty Gritty: Vegetarian Dim Sum House, 24 Pell St., New York, NY
Our Ratings: Food: 3.5 STARS
Service: 3.3 STARS
Atmosphere: 3 STARS

First Stop Brooklyn

Dao Palate is a serene little pan-Asian restaurant in a bustling section near Prospect Park. I discovered it while searching for good vegan eats near the Brooklyn Academy of Music (BAM). While waiting for Linda to arrive, I was pleased to discover Gewurztraminer wine by the glass on their menu, and promptly ordered myself a glass (Banyan, California, $8). Perfect wine, exactly the way a Gewurz should be, with the subtle rose petal and lychee scents. Linda arrived harried from her delayed subway ride over, but was soothed by the calm atmosphere of the restaurant. Diners were conversing using considerate noise levels, and shrines of harmony were sprinkled throughout the spacious room. 'This would be a nice date place,' Linda commented. I told her I'd do my best. The waitress arrived, and Linda told her she was going to get the Chardonnay, but the sake mojito looks good too. Wanting to try the former, I told her, 'No, get the Chardonnay!' Complying, as the waitress walked away Linda said under her breath, 'I'm surrounded by all these bossy people.' We agreed easily on sharing two appetizers and one entree to keep the cost down.


This is the deep fried tofu appetizer. I thought it was tasty, especially the seaweed sprinkles on top; Linda was expecting more of a 'chew'.

This was the crispy vegetable tofu skin appetizer. We won't be ordering this again. The flavor was a bit bland and the filling was a little oozy. (I will protect you, gentle reader, from the vivid descriptors these graphic reviewers used).

Our main course, the Black Pepper Seitan with Chinese Broccoli was a winner. The seitan was succulent, and the brown sauce was sublimely seasoned. Oyster mushrooms were woven into the mix, adding another notch to the quality of the dish. One puzzle remains. We found circular beige pieces of what appeared to be vegan sausage. The waitress' response that this was the stem of the oyster mushroom seemed suspect. The circumference appeared too large, and the texture was not nearly fibrous enough to be a member of the fungus family. This left me as the sole consumer of this unknown food source, as Linda is not adventurous when it comes to eating items of dubious origin. Being a runner, I never have this issue.

The happy couple


Our total bill with tip came to around $50. We decided we would definitely be returning to this tranquil little gem, but next time we would either bring more money or less of an appetite.

The Nitty Gritty: Dao Palate, 329 Flatbush Ave, Brookln, NY
Our Ratings: Food: 3.5 STARS
Service: 4 STARS
Atmosphere: 4 STARS